Thursday, October 14, 2010

Why did you stopped reading my e-mails?

Why did you stopped checking your e-mails? Still afraid that what I said might still change your mind? Only you has the power to control over the thing that's happening around you. Only you can decide as to whether your decision will be good and beneficial to all.

I felt so bad that after all the e-mails I sent you, all are still unread. It's been quite a while when I stopped checking on your e-mails for your privacy reasons because there are some more e-mails from other people which I might be tempted to read. But jut this evening, I thought of checking it again, thinking that maybe, just maybe you read some of my e-mails but you just refused to reply. 

I've been going through our chat history, thinking it might make me feel any better, but it only made me feel worst. Like i said to my friend, I'm like this because I just miss the feeling of being loved. Most especially, the feeling of being loved and cared by you.

Well, I guess this is how this really goes. All has to end. And like what you said, Nothing is constant in this world but change. And change can either be good or bad for us. 

Make me forget that you said that "you will always be here" even if you grow old and get cranky. I thought you are my dude and will always be my dude even if the feeling is no longer there. Dudes should always remain dudes. Just for the sake of it. Friends must not leave ever. But why did you left? 

Please come back, just for one time, even just for a short time, please talk to me. 

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Get your free blog peeps!

Bloggers out there, check this out! WP Web Host is giving away free self hosted blogs until September 30, 2010. How is this possible? All you have to do is blog about this contest and link back to this post. Don't forget to insert the banner in your post. You can get the banner here

Make sure you that must get 7 comments for your post and trackbacks not included. Then you have to submit your blog post to this page along with your name and valid email address. Not much of a fuss for a free blog, right? What are you waiting for? Join Now! 

Contest URL:

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Bakit ba kasi nagkakaganito na naman ako?

OO hindi ko rin naman talaga alam bakit nagkakaganito ako. At OO totoo yun na naiinis ako sa sarili ko sa di ko maipaliwanag na dahilan at naiinis din ako sa di ko rin masabing dahilan. 

Paano ko ba ipapaliwanag na nahihirapan ako sa nangyayari ngayon? Paano ko ba ipapa intindi sa iyo na nalulungkot ako? Paano ko sasabihin sa iyo na sana pansinin mo naman ako, sana lahat ng atensyon mo nasa akin na lang muna sa kaunting panahon pa na natitira? Paano ko ba sasabihin sa iyo na sa lahat ng nangyayari, pinipilit ko lang maging Okay pero ang totoo naman ay hindi?

Paano ko ipapaintindi sa iyo na suportado ko naman lahat ng plano mo pero hindi ko maiwasang malungkot dahil maiiwan ako dito. Ngayon pa lang pinagaaralan ko ng mag adjust para hindi ako mahirapan pag dumating na yung araw na yun dahil alam ko mahihirapan ako.

I don't own you, pero parte ka ng buhay ko. Malaking parte ng buhay ko. At kahit pilit kong huwag isipin, di ko mapigilan. Bakit ganon?  

Bakit nape-pressure ako sa bilis ng oras at araw? Bakit kapag lalo kong naiisip lalo akong kinakain ng hindi ko alam na takot. Bakit takot na takot ako? Bakit pakiramdam ko ngayon pa lang wala ka na? Bakit kailangang mangyari ito ng ganito kabilis? Bakit ba kasi ganito ang nararamdaman ko? 

Bakit nga ba nagkakaganito ako? 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

On losing somebody you can't afford to lose

It was February this year when we met and by that time we only shared a few chats. March when we finally met in person and it was a brief meeting, just hi and hello and nothing else. After that we shared a couple of chats but those were just casual chats. Then it was May when you found out i was going through this heart break and you were there to cheer me up and boost my morale. We met and talked about my stupidity over a cup of coffee and frappe. You never knew how much it mean to me, having somebody to listen to my heart aches and other stuff I'm getting anxious of that time. 

Since then, we became really closer and we communicated more than ever -- chat, text messages, just to name a few. May 24, 2010 when a news came to me. The news that I have been waiting for almost three weeks. I was in shock and then I sent you a text message. You were out of town then but then you managed to call me and pacify me a bit. The following day we met and had dinner to talk things over. Again, you were there for me and it  was such a big help.

May 27, 2010 when I slept over at your house because I need to be here in the office by 4 am for our company outing. You know what happened that night. We talked and talked about anything under the sun when you reached out and held me closer to you. There was no malice -- It was pure friendship and that time, I felt it, that you really care for me. Even i know you were too sleepy and you have work that day you never slept on me. "Wag mo akong tutulugan ha?" 

We became more closer and closer after that day. We chat and text everyday. Literally everyday. And just then I knew -- I found my best buddy in you. And you know all about it. I am vocal in saying that you are more than one person rolled into one. That when if there will be a time that i will lose you i will not lose just one person. I will lose a brother, a friend, a best friend, even a "boyfriend" and that's something heavy -- I could not imagine what will I do if that happens.

A lot has happened already. We shared a lot of stuff together, the talks, the bonding, the movies, the hang out somewhere, the unlimited thingies, ohh damn how could i ever forget that? We've been to places and we were happy. June is the best ever month for us.

July came and we were getting even closer. Not as adventurous as June has been but even so, we were still happy. It was a challenge because something unexpected happened. And I know you're finding it hard to cope with it but you're still managing to brush some of those thoughts away. You have been as brave and strong as before. Still a jolly person, like as if there's no problem at all. And still, we're happy as best buddies should be. We even had a couple of silly text messages that lasts for hours straight. And those times were one of the best times of my life. 

I came to a point thinking that I'm falling for you. I But I can't. It can't be. It will just ruin the friendship and I can't risk that. Not ever. So I just loved you as a friend -- a pure love that I can never explain. All I know is that I love you, but I cannot love you romantically because it will just make things complicated and I don't want to complicate things between us because what we already  have - I'm good with it and contented.

August has became a nightmare to me -- or so maybe I'm just over reacting to it. We exchanged talks and chats about it, and sure you're giving me assurance that nothing will change and that you'll never leave just like the others who did. How can I ever explain some things that are sometimes better left unsaid? But I can't keep a secret from you. You almost know everything about me. Even the little-lest of things I shared it with you.

When the only constant thing in this world is change, would you ever let change happen between us? When even the closest people to us leave, would you leave me as well? When there will come a time that you will no longer do the things that you used to do for me, will you still ever remember that sometime, you done those things for me? 

I've been struggling so hard to face what I'm afraid of, the days became darker and darker for me, for I have this feeling that the changes that are happening now happens for a reason. It sucks because we always say that everything happens for a reason, that we need to look at the positive side of it. When I, being a person full of insecurities and anxiety, how can I ever think of it positively?

There are so much more to say and I can't say it here. We've been really close and even if I don't mention it here you know that those are just some of my concerns. I'm getting effed up thinking and thinking and I guess that's why I'm getting really sick in the head because you're right, "ang dami kong iniisip" and for sure you'll get pissed off repeating the things you told me before to comfort me. I believed you though. I always believed in you. I know and I can feel it that you have been honest with me all along. And I am certain that the problem is with me because I worry too much. I worry too much for the things that are not yet happening. Add also the fact that I kept on thinking that it will happen even sooner or later.

I said a lot of things already but these are not yet EVERYTHING I want to say. I might as well say it straight to your face or during those times na "nanlalambing" ako sayo.

I just wish for this: Please don't change as early as now, please don't change towards me... Wag mo pa rin akong tutulugan ha? I feel so down right now and I just want to hug you so tight right now. 

I love you my best buddy, my one and only bro, my knight in shining armor, my side kick... Basta, wag mo akong tutulugan ha, not right now, please. And also, thank you. Thank you more than words can ever explain.

What say you? 

Letters to No one

It took a long time for me to write another blog again. I was thinking of a concept on what to blog really and then I kept on thinking of putting some emo stuff such as letters and thoughts. 

I will never mention to whom the letter was for. But if you think this applies to you, them maybe its for you, maybe it's for your friend, maybe its just an imaginary letter anyone can relate to. I guess this it will depend on how you interpret it.

You see, I'm sort of an emo person even though is doesn't really show. What I'm going to write is a part of me, what's going on in my life and what i wanted to happen in my life particularly. 

I sometimes suck, but I have feelings too, so please bear with me. Maybe you can read between the lines too-- sometimes I don't want to write straight to the point because its really hard and for a person living a hard life like I do, I don't want to make it harder still.

Again, these letters might be for you, yeah maybe this is for you. If not, then just read on and relate. Comments are very much welcome too.

Have a great day you guys! 

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A very bad experience with Globe Wimax application

Last July 17, 2010 I went to Globe Business Center at SM Dasmariñas to inquire about the Globe Wimax Internet plan. And so the agent explained to me the service they can offer and i can say that it is pretty tempting so I applied for a 1mbps plan. They said that it will only take me a maximum 10 days for the modem to be installed in our house and I said okay, that would be fine. They also informed me that there will be a customer service representative that will call me to inform me of the installation date. They asked me to pay a 500 installation fee which I did and I went home right after the transaction.

It was July 19th when a CSR from Globe called me and informed me that they will install the modem the following day which is July 20th, anytime from 8 in the morning to 12 noon. So since I'm at work that day, I told them that my mother will be the one to attend to them. So the conversation went on smoothly. They even verified our home address and the nearest landmark to it. 

Come July 20th, no one from Globe showed up. So I thought they were not able to come because it was rainy that day (though yes, it is a silly excuse to think of). Still we waited the following day and the day after that. July 22nd when I called their customer service hotline to follow up. They told me that they cannot give me any feedback yet because my account is not yet activated in their system. So I asked the agent if I can have the land line number of Globe Business Center at Sm Dasmariñas so I can make a follow up as to what happened why no one showed up on the said schedule and they asked for apologies that they only share some limited informations and that they cannot give me the number of the Business Center. Instead they told me that if I want to make the transaction faster, I must go there personally to follow up.

It was a hassle and still I sticked to their word that it will be installed in 10 days or less so I waited until July 27th. July 28th I made a follow up again in their hotline and they told me that my account has been created and they are still checking the service because they went to a different address. I was informed that the encoded address was General Mariano Alvarez, Cavite instead of Dasmariñas, Cavite. I gave a mental note to myself to stay calm even though that moment I want to freaking shout to then because of their stupidity. Still, they assured me that they are fixing the problem, and that I should wait for 24-48 hours. 

48 hours passed and there's still no feedback. I made a follow up (again) last July 31 hoping that they might be able to install the modem the following day so I will be the one to attend to them. Again they told me that the support group is still checking with my concern and that (again) i should wait for another 24-48 hours. And yes I patiently waited. August 2 when i made another follow up and all I got was the same blah blah blahs as before. I am getting really impatient and really hot headed too.

Today, August 4, I made another follow and gave myself a mental note that If I don't get a decent explanation or a different explanation from what they have told me before, I will complain with the type of service they have. It was worst than what I expected. Right after I told them my reference number, they told me that my account has been closed because of the technical what evers they told me. 

I asked for an explanation why it was cancelled and who the hell gave the go signal that it has to be cancelled without informing the subscriber. I have this gut feeling that I am on the right track and that I can go on shouting at them telling how their service sucks. Which is true. How come they cancelled my application without informing me. And why did they cancelled my application when I have already paid the installation fee.

It took us 30 minutes of my precious time before he gave me the solution. He said that since the account has been already closed, there can be no other way to have it restored but to re-apply again. At first I hesitated but then I thought maybe I could give them another try, but I told them that they MUST install the modem before the week ends or else I will have no choice but to refund my payment.

I will have to wait and see until the end of this week. I hope this Wimax service is worth all the wait, if ever my application will materialize. 

Oh well Globe i so hate you today. 


Friday, July 30, 2010

Welcome ayessa to!

I've lots of social networking sites and blog sites. two years ago I started blogging at multiply but it only lasted for like a month then i stopped posting blogs but uploaded pictures instead. A year ago I created a Tumblr account, which I've lots of picture posts and a few blogs as well. Now while busying myself with some office works, a thought came into me that why should I not try to create a blogger account?

Hopefully, I can post everyday and share what's inside my cluttered brain to you guys, just like a virtual diary or just letting my thoughts out. 

You might be wondering why I gave my blog a "What's inside my cluttered brain?" title? Well, it's because it's literally sharing what's inside my cluttered brain. Because my brain has always been cluttered and messy. I remember every time I was exchanging text messages with a close friend and I will just send him a certain thought, he will just laugh at me and say "Ang dami mong naiisip"(you're thinking a lot of things)  and I will reply him with "wala, naisip ko lang"  (nothing, it just came into my mind).

And it is really true, I spent lots of time thinking. See, I commute by bus everyday going to work and since I live in Cavite and I'm working at Makati, my travel time on the average is about 2 hours and that's one way only making it 4 hours everyday from Monday to Friday. If I had a good night sleep the previous night, I just stare outside the bus window and think -- I think a lot, some serious, some silly stuff, some are just random thoughts that entered my mind. But basically, I really do think a lot and I want to share some of my thoughts to you.

So I guess this is it, Welcome to blogger, Ayessa!